My baby is getting big

As I sit here thinking about my daughter turning 9 years old in just a few hours I can't help but remember the whole story, the struggle, the happy moments, the craziness of the situation: as I've mention in a previous entry I came to this country when I was 15, started high school 2 months after arriving, my English has always been good or at least acceptable when it comes to writing and comprehending (not so much when it comes to speaking 😂) so thanks to that and the credits I brought from my country I was placed in 11th grade, how great was that, I was a junior and getting the hang of everything until I met him, the father of my child was already a senior (actually an extra senior cause he was way too old to still be in high school, his priorities were messed up, why didn't I think about that?) ...he lied to me about many things, we started a complicated relationship, he convinced me that he cared, but I'm not even going to go into details because he is not worth the time or the space in my blog 

...when the school year was over I found a summer job as a cashier at a supermarket, one day I had my lunch break and went to a small restaurant and had the lunch of the day, not what I usually like but for some weird reason that day it tasted soooo good, when I got home at night I was feeling sick, I was sure it was that lunch I ate, When I thought about it i felt even sicker but didn't pay mind to it, drank an alka-seltzer and went to sleep cause the next day was beach day ...two days passed by and  I had to go to work but woke up feeling sick, my stomach was hurting so bad, I couldn't get up so I called in and when my mom got home I asked her to take me to the ER, she called the dr, it look like it was appendicitis ...when we got to the hospital they did the regular check up, took some blood and urine tests and asked a few questions including when was my last period, I've always been irregular so I didn't pay too much attention when my period never came but when they asked is when I realized that I was 3 weeks late ...after about 30 min the dr came in and asked my mom to get out of the room, somehow I already knew what she was gonna say, she asked if I had a boyfriend and I started crying, I was pregnant at 16 years old and the pain I was feeing was my abdomen stretching out and making room for my growing uterus, that's what happens when you are so young and skinny ...  she asked me if I wanted to talk to my mom there or wait until later at home, how I was supposed to wait until we got home? What I was going to tell her when she asked what the dr said and why was I crying? ...my mom came in the room and all I managed to say was "Im sorry" to which she answered "you are pregnant, aren't you?" ...They had to help her have a seat, I don't know how much time passed, we just sat there and cried, then the dr came in and asked what I wanted to do and told me my options and Im not ashamed of what I'm going to say: I told her I didn't want to have it ...but when my mom heard me she got in my face and told me that if I made the choice to be an adult and have sexual relationships I was gonna have to be an adult and be responsible for the consequences and that I have two options, have that child or get out of her house.

My head was spinning, I was so scared ...I didn't want a baby but I was convinced the father of that child was gonna help me, after all he had told me he would do anything just to be with me (how stupid and naive can a teenager girl be), when we got home I called him and told him the big news, he told me he would call me in a few, after 10 min my cellphone rang, it was his sister asking me how I was so sure it was his, that's when I realized I was gonna have to do this alone (after this he changed number and disappeared, he had already graduated from HS so it was so easy for him) ...I cried for a week nonstop, I didn't want that thing inside my belly, I felt lost, I wanted an abortion but if I did my mom was gonna kick me out (or at least that's what o thought at that time, now that I think about it Im sure she wouldn't have done such thing) and I didn't have any where else to go, I felt forced to have that child ...I remember punching my stomach while taking a shower and telling that thing inside me to get out while sobbing uncontrollably .

My mom scheduled my first prenatal appt, they scheduled an ultrasound for the next day ...I felt so embarrassed to be sitting in a room with a bunch of grown up pregnant ladies, the tech was nice, asked me how I was, if I was nervous, if I was excited and I told him I didn't even want to see it, that I didn't care ...I looked at the wall while he started the ultrasound, I was even about to throw up and then I heard it, a sound that sent chills through my body and caught my attention, I couldn't help it and I had to look at the screen and there it was, a tiny peanut shaped thing with a throbbing  dot in the middle, omg that was a heartbeat and that was all it took me to fell in love with that thing inside my belly.

After that day I embraced my pregnancy, I knew it was gonna be hard but I was gonna make it, I had to finish school, I was gonna show everybody that I could do it ...When the belly started getting big everybody started talking, a baby expecting another baby, they looked at me in the street like I was something weird and at school? I dont even want to remember but no matter what I held my head high, my small circle of friends helped me get through it.

I remember worrying about money, how to get the things the baby needed, how I was gonna finish school, work and take care of a baby at the same time but my amazing mom told me to not worry about anything except for school and the baby, she reassured me that I wasn't  alone, she became the father of that baby before he/she was born (the techs were never able to see the gender)

On March 30th 2006 i remember feeling weird, went to bed early like every night (I was always so tired) and at around 2 am I woke up wet, holy cow my water broke ...it was a long but not as bad process and on Abril 1st 2006 at 4:55am Valentina Fernandez was born ...I remember when they placed her on my chest, I didn't know how to hold something so tiny and fragile and when they asked me if I wanted to breastfeed I panicked, how do you do that I asked the nurse ...and that's when my life changed completely, that's the day when I first met true love.

It hasn't been easy but I'm thankful for my daughter and I wouldn't have it any other way, she was meant to be born, she is going to be somebody someday, God wanted her in this world because she is perfectly fine even with all those punches I gave myself ...God works in such great ways and Im so glad for that, I'm so glad I found out I was pregnant the way I did and I'm so thankful for my mom, for not letting me do anything stupid, for being there for me even when I had messed up, for being my support, for being the provider not only for my brother and me but my daughter as well. I'm sure if I had found out about my pregnancy by myself I wouldn't be celebrating the 9th year of life of my daughter (and Im not saying I'm against this or that now, I'm nobody to be judging others but at this point I just don't imagine my life without my daughter).

Valentina is an amazing girl, she is smart, she is funny and she fills our hearts with joy every single day ...as I watch her grow up and be who she is I can't help it but feel proud of myself ...she is what she is because of me and my mom and for the last 3 years thanks to my amazing husband as well who accepted her since day one and loves her and is the best father a girl can ask for... I may not be the best mother in the world but I know I'm a good one, I've always been a good mom since the day I heard her heartbeat and yes I feel bad about my reaction at first but that was part of the process and God who's the only one who can judge me knows well that I was just scared and confused ...I just wish for her to celebrate many many more years, to be healthy and to enjoy life, the life that God wanted so much for her to have.

Happy bday to my adorable Valentina ...mommy loves you and when the day comes and you are old enough to read this I just want you to know how proud I am of you, being a teen mom wasn't easy but for you everything is worth it my baby. 

What have i been up to

is my life becoming boring? I seriously don't have anything exciting to tell you about lol...

A few weeks ago I started a new workout program and I did so good the first 2 weeks but then we all got sick and I obviously didn't workout for 4-5 days and that messed up everything :( I seriously need to work on my consistency issues but Ive managed to stay on track with my weight ...I go from 135 to 138 depending on how much I ate the previous day lol but I need to start getting back on track, the holidays are coming and that means food and more food.

Speaking of holidays, omg this year is almost over, i cant believe how fast time is flying by but somehow im kinda excited for xmas, since my dad passed and we moved from colombia to the States xmas always makes me sad and nostalgic but I'm feeling different this year, I even want to start decorating our home and today I started our xmas shopping, my 2 girls are going to be so excited about their gifts.

What else? Mmmm i started meal planning and Saturday was my first day of grocery shopping with a list in hand ...I used to go through every aisle and get whatever I thought I needed to then come home and realize that I forgot almost everything that I said I needed so this time I went by the list and nothing else and omg what a huge different, hubby's wallet was happy :)

When it comes to free time Im still obsessed with nail polishes, I even got all crafty and made a rack and now all my polishes are looking all cute on the wall 

It turned out good and even some of my friends on IG got inspired and made one for them, thanks to the rack now I don't have to worry about Liana trying to eat nail polish lol. And talking about IG I created a new account just for my obsessions, lately it's all about painted nails but knowing me it will change in the future for who knows what lol ... It's @D.Obsessions for those who want to take a look and follow :)

I think that's all for today ...until next time XOXO

My new hobby

I've been a nail biter my whole life, many times I tried to grow them but it always seemed impossible and then I discovered the acrylic nail world, I can't lie, I like them a lot but it can get kinda expensive when you try keeping up with the maintenance plus every time I took the acrylic off my natual nail would be so weak and thin ...I don't know how it happened but a few weeks ago I noticed that my nails weren't as short as they always are, I guess I didn't have time to bite them off for a few days? but my first instinct was to pain them and that's how my new obsession started ...that night I looked for nail polishes and realized I had 3, it's been about 3-4 weeks and I have 33 nail polishes as today and I think the collection is going to keep growing ...I have 3 of the "good/expemsive" ones and the rest are very cheap and to be honest I don't see much of a difference, they chip the same at least for me and My cleaning routine.

I keep looking at pictures and videos for inspiration on Instagram and youtube and I'm not near to be perfect but for a girl that never had long nails and never used to paint them I think I'm doing pretty good ...I always do it at night after the girls and hubby are sleeping, I take my time and I listen to music while I'm on it or watch a movie but for me it's like my getaway time, time for myself, time to relax, hubby says that my obsessions are temporary and that in a few months I'll be like "I don't like painting my nails anymore, I need a new hobby" so let's see what happens, for now all I can say is that I love it and I hope to get better ...here is a few pictures of my nails lately and oh yeah I already had to cut them twice which means they are growing pretty fast :)

My life isn't perfect but I'm thankful for everything I have

it was almost 5am when the cramps woke me up, oh the joys of being a woman ...I was irritated and mad, I had to deal with a headache for almost 4 days and now this? I thought to myself: life sucks, this is not fair but then my husband rolled over, hugged me from behind and rested his face on my back ...I then smiled and reminded myself that life is good and I need to stop complaining.

I couldn't sleep much after that so I kept thinking, lots of random thoughts came, I started thinking about other people's situations and I couldn't help but be thankful for everything I have ...except for the cramps obviously ;).

I don't have a perfect life, not even close to have one but it's a good one or at least that's how I feel ...I mean, I have 2 beautiful and healthy daughters, they sure drive me crazy sometimes or most of the times should I say, Liana needs an on and off button and Valentina is at a difficult age right now, the talking back and rolling eyes have started and I know it only gets worse from here cause I have me as the best (or worst) example but she is a good girl after all and does very good in school ...i get to be at home with them, I don't have to worry about if they are eating, if they are missing me, if they are in good hands because I'm a stay at home mom and that's one of my biggest privileges in life ...it wouldn't be possible if it wasn't for my hard working husband, he is a great man and that's another thing I'm thankful for, he is an amazing father to both of OUR girls, he loves and treats them equally and that makes me feel like I finally did something right in life, we as a couple are great, we have our ups and downs for sure, we fight maybe more than we should but we are mature enough to say sorry when needed and our love for each other is bigger than our flaws so we just let it go, smile, hug and kiss and go on with our life ...sometimes I feel like punching him, sometimes I feel like he is a bad husband but then I remind myself that I'm mad because he is still in bed watching tv or because he had the guts to sleep until 10am while I was up and running around since 7...at least he is not outside cheating on me like many men do, at least he is not disrespecting me or treating me in a bad way, at least he is not calling me names in front of the kids indeed he is the most corny and romantic guy ever plus I know he works a lot during the week, I do too in the house but I get to take naps, I get to sit on my couch and drink some coffee, I get to say "bring food cause I don't feel like cooking" so when I remind myself of all those things I'm like wait a minute, I don't have a bad husband, I have a great one, I'm a lucky girl for having him in my life and all my anger goes away ...I know some people feel like I pretend to have the perfect life and the perfect relationship and I don't, I just choose to show only the good things about me and my life, that doesn't make me an hypocrite but why should I go on Instagram or a blog talking about my husband taking a nap? it doesn't make sense for me ...I used to be like that with my past relationships and I learned that's not cute for sure.

that last part reminded me that I'm thankful for one last thing, my new friends, in the process of getting my life together and getting a family of my own I lost almost all my friends, I felt alone sometimes, I didn't have anybody to talk except my husband but then I met a bunch of ladies through the Internet while I was pregnant and I'm glad to say that I became friends with a few of them but there's one that has a special place in my heart, she lives on the other side of the country but that's not an impediment, we text a lot, we laugh and cry, we've become each other's confidante and instead of talking about my husband or my life on IG I just text her and I already got in trouble for that so it's not a secret to my husband (oops sorry babe lol)..she is a mom, a wife, a crazy girl just like me and she understands me, she gives me advice but tells me to get my shit together when I need to as well, I just feel free to vent to her because she's been in similar positions in life and she doesn't judge me ...I don't feel so alone anymore, I feel like a gained a good friend and I'm thankful for that as well.

long post isn't it? sorry, I got carried away ...I know life is not the same for everybody, I know there's people going through so much right now and because of those people is that I felt inspired to write this and  I hope that the people that are just like me and tend to get frustrated for such small things keep in mind that our struggles are minimal compared to others so be thankful and smile :) 

Happy First Birthday my adorable Baby

so as I sit here and try to find the right way to start today's entry I can't help but cry, she is here, peacefully sleeping next to me and I can't believe that she is one year old ...I officially have a toddle but she will always be my baby.

a year ago today, on sept 28/2013 I pushed a 7.12 pounds and 18 inches long baby, not a single cry to the point I was freaking out and asking my midwife if everything was ok ...she was on my chest, her big eyes wide open looking straight to my face, looking into my eyes, i looked at my husband, his eyes full of tears and shock and that's when it hit me: my life was complete, I was the happiest woman on earth. 

it's been a year full emotions, a year full of love but full of struggles as well but I wouldn't change a single thing ...Liana Isabella is such an amazing girl full of energy, even when she was in the womb the nurses and drs kept telling us what an active baby she was just by the ultrasounds but God, little did I know ...sometimes the word active is small compared to what Liana is, she sat unassisted by 4 months and by 6 months she was already crawling and pulling herself up with the help of the table or the crib and to my surprise she took her first steps at the age of 9 months, she is a little dare devil, it's like she is not afraid of getting hurt again and again and again ...I feel like people think that I'm a bad mom just by looking at the bruises on her face but I swear I always try my best, sometimes it's just too hard to keep up ...I don't remember the last time I went to pee without having to be screaming "Liana come here, what are you doing?, I swear I'm about to lose my mind" but even when it's hard it's amazing at the same time, she is healthy enough to be that active and that's what matters.

she is very funny and smart, even when she doesn't talk much she still finds ways to communicate with me, she is a daddy's girl but the bond she has with mommy is just inexplicable and she loves her big sister Valentina very much but sometimes she is such a bully that I get scared that vale is going to start hating her lol ...my little baby, not so little anymore ...I could go on and on about all the things that she does but I feel like I already got lost in my thoughts. this is not the type of blog I was planing to go for but oh well.

there's not a  day that goes by without me praying and asking for the opportunity to watch her as she grows and discovers the world around her and I hope that as she does that she realizes that her momma will always be by her side, always there for her ..Happy first Birthday to my beautiful Baby, I can't wait to see what this year brings for you and us

I couldn't be more excited!!!!! Weight loss update

It's been a month and I'm back with exciting updates but before I start I want to make something clear ...**if you are reading this is mostly because you follow me on Instagram which means you already know the type of pictures I post, you may have noticed that lately there's more and more pictures of me, some of you may think that I'm "gassing" myself up and I'm totally fine with it, I really don't care what people think about me, I'm just proud of myself and my progress but if you are one of those who doesn't like my pictures or feel offended or whatever type of way by them do yourself a favor and unfollow me, I'm saying this because I already had to block a few people who couldn't handle my "yayyy me" pictures ...Im too old for that type of immaturity**.

Ok so back to the exciting part, as some or all of you know I started my weight loss journey back in May and I've been sharing my results in my blog as a way to keep me accountable (trust me Im not just trying to show off when i post a picture).  Not sure if you remember but i started at 154.8 pounds, i mainly changed my eating habits, I tried exercising but I have to admit that's not for me but you can read more about that in my previous posts.

Today's entry is mostly to show my progress pictures, my weight goal is 130 pounds and I can't believe how close I am, here's a comparison from the day I started, last post which was a month ago and today:

And here is another comparison just between last month and today, I'm really happy to see the changes in my body:

And just as a little extra I want to share this picture just because my clothes are fitting better now, I'm even wearing things that I wasn't able to wear 6 months ago and well, that feel fantastic:

Back in March I had to leave the part on the sides unbuttoned because it just didn't fit and I can even see a difference in my arms and face :) 

I finally reached my pre-pregnancy weight today and I'm just 5 pounds away from reaching my goal ...until next time xoxo

Weight loss update

On May 25th of this year I realized that I didn't like what I was seeing in the mirror and those numbers on the scale were just depressing, my life as a stay at home mom and wife is very busy, there's people that think otherwise and feel that just because I'm at home I have it easy and all I do is watch tv  but that's another story (maybe I need to blog about it) ..in reality I don't have time to workout every day  so my only option to start losing weight was to watch what I was eating and see if that  was going to help ...it's been almost 3 months and I've lost 12.6 pounds in total just by eating better, I'm not going to lie, I'm not the salad and smoothie type of person, I need my rice and my beans lol  but I stopped drinking sodas and juices, I only drink water, my portions are smaller now compared to how I used to eat and I try to control myself when it comes to candy but oh how much I love me some chocolate but in general I'm eating less. (As some of you know I tried the matefit teatox and I saw some results but I didn't feel like it was worth it so I didn't repurchase)

The progress might not be as fast as I'd like but I tell myself every day that small progress is better than no progress, my clothes are starting to fit much better, 2 days ago I was able to wear my size 4 jeans again without the huge muffin top making its appearance and even my neighbor said that I was looking skinnier so not only am I starting to feel better about the way I look but others are noticing it too and that's an amazing feeling .

I still have 12 more pounds to go and lots of toning to do, I hope that as Liana gets bigger and more independent I'll be able to start working out but for now I'm happy with my progress. As today I'm at 142.2  pounds and for my height that's not too bad (I'm 5'5) but my goal is to be at 130 . Here is the progress pictures so far and I'll be back with more updates along the way :)