...when the school year was over I found a summer job as a cashier at a supermarket, one day I had my lunch break and went to a small restaurant and had the lunch of the day, not what I usually like but for some weird reason that day it tasted soooo good, when I got home at night I was feeling sick, I was sure it was that lunch I ate, When I thought about it i felt even sicker but didn't pay mind to it, drank an alka-seltzer and went to sleep cause the next day was beach day ...two days passed by and I had to go to work but woke up feeling sick, my stomach was hurting so bad, I couldn't get up so I called in and when my mom got home I asked her to take me to the ER, she called the dr, it look like it was appendicitis ...when we got to the hospital they did the regular check up, took some blood and urine tests and asked a few questions including when was my last period, I've always been irregular so I didn't pay too much attention when my period never came but when they asked is when I realized that I was 3 weeks late ...after about 30 min the dr came in and asked my mom to get out of the room, somehow I already knew what she was gonna say, she asked if I had a boyfriend and I started crying, I was pregnant at 16 years old and the pain I was feeing was my abdomen stretching out and making room for my growing uterus, that's what happens when you are so young and skinny ... she asked me if I wanted to talk to my mom there or wait until later at home, how I was supposed to wait until we got home? What I was going to tell her when she asked what the dr said and why was I crying? ...my mom came in the room and all I managed to say was "Im sorry" to which she answered "you are pregnant, aren't you?" ...They had to help her have a seat, I don't know how much time passed, we just sat there and cried, then the dr came in and asked what I wanted to do and told me my options and Im not ashamed of what I'm going to say: I told her I didn't want to have it ...but when my mom heard me she got in my face and told me that if I made the choice to be an adult and have sexual relationships I was gonna have to be an adult and be responsible for the consequences and that I have two options, have that child or get out of her house.
My head was spinning, I was so scared ...I didn't want a baby but I was convinced the father of that child was gonna help me, after all he had told me he would do anything just to be with me (how stupid and naive can a teenager girl be), when we got home I called him and told him the big news, he told me he would call me in a few, after 10 min my cellphone rang, it was his sister asking me how I was so sure it was his, that's when I realized I was gonna have to do this alone (after this he changed number and disappeared, he had already graduated from HS so it was so easy for him) ...I cried for a week nonstop, I didn't want that thing inside my belly, I felt lost, I wanted an abortion but if I did my mom was gonna kick me out (or at least that's what o thought at that time, now that I think about it Im sure she wouldn't have done such thing) and I didn't have any where else to go, I felt forced to have that child ...I remember punching my stomach while taking a shower and telling that thing inside me to get out while sobbing uncontrollably .
My mom scheduled my first prenatal appt, they scheduled an ultrasound for the next day ...I felt so embarrassed to be sitting in a room with a bunch of grown up pregnant ladies, the tech was nice, asked me how I was, if I was nervous, if I was excited and I told him I didn't even want to see it, that I didn't care ...I looked at the wall while he started the ultrasound, I was even about to throw up and then I heard it, a sound that sent chills through my body and caught my attention, I couldn't help it and I had to look at the screen and there it was, a tiny peanut shaped thing with a throbbing dot in the middle, omg that was a heartbeat and that was all it took me to fell in love with that thing inside my belly.
After that day I embraced my pregnancy, I knew it was gonna be hard but I was gonna make it, I had to finish school, I was gonna show everybody that I could do it ...When the belly started getting big everybody started talking, a baby expecting another baby, they looked at me in the street like I was something weird and at school? I dont even want to remember but no matter what I held my head high, my small circle of friends helped me get through it.
I remember worrying about money, how to get the things the baby needed, how I was gonna finish school, work and take care of a baby at the same time but my amazing mom told me to not worry about anything except for school and the baby, she reassured me that I wasn't alone, she became the father of that baby before he/she was born (the techs were never able to see the gender)
On March 30th 2006 i remember feeling weird, went to bed early like every night (I was always so tired) and at around 2 am I woke up wet, holy cow my water broke ...it was a long but not as bad process and on Abril 1st 2006 at 4:55am Valentina Fernandez was born ...I remember when they placed her on my chest, I didn't know how to hold something so tiny and fragile and when they asked me if I wanted to breastfeed I panicked, how do you do that I asked the nurse ...and that's when my life changed completely, that's the day when I first met true love.
It hasn't been easy but I'm thankful for my daughter and I wouldn't have it any other way, she was meant to be born, she is going to be somebody someday, God wanted her in this world because she is perfectly fine even with all those punches I gave myself ...God works in such great ways and Im so glad for that, I'm so glad I found out I was pregnant the way I did and I'm so thankful for my mom, for not letting me do anything stupid, for being there for me even when I had messed up, for being my support, for being the provider not only for my brother and me but my daughter as well. I'm sure if I had found out about my pregnancy by myself I wouldn't be celebrating the 9th year of life of my daughter (and Im not saying I'm against this or that now, I'm nobody to be judging others but at this point I just don't imagine my life without my daughter).
Valentina is an amazing girl, she is smart, she is funny and she fills our hearts with joy every single day ...as I watch her grow up and be who she is I can't help it but feel proud of myself ...she is what she is because of me and my mom and for the last 3 years thanks to my amazing husband as well who accepted her since day one and loves her and is the best father a girl can ask for... I may not be the best mother in the world but I know I'm a good one, I've always been a good mom since the day I heard her heartbeat and yes I feel bad about my reaction at first but that was part of the process and God who's the only one who can judge me knows well that I was just scared and confused ...I just wish for her to celebrate many many more years, to be healthy and to enjoy life, the life that God wanted so much for her to have.
Happy bday to my adorable Valentina ...mommy loves you and when the day comes and you are old enough to read this I just want you to know how proud I am of you, being a teen mom wasn't easy but for you everything is worth it my baby.
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