I always find it so funny when we are at the grocery store or at the park and people mention how cute and quiet my almost 9 months old is ...I obviously agree on the cute part but about she being quiet? Lol if only they knew.
I remember all the times we got an ultrasound or that I had to get hooked to the monitors while pregnant, all the nurses and doctors always said the same thing: oh god what an active baby, you are going to have your hands full with this one. Little did I know how true that was going to be.
In fact Liana is a very, very, very active baby and the fact that she is doing things pretty fast doesn't help, at 4 months she was already sitting up without support and by 6 months she was crawling like a pro, since she became mobile I feel like I can't catch a break, she is always on the run, oh and let me tell you, she will be 9 months on June 28th and she is already trying to walk.
She is one of those babies that need her mom or dad to be around her all the time or she cries like somebody is killing her, the ergo (baby carrier) is one of my best friends, most of the time I have to put her on my back in order for me to get things done and to make things more "fun" she is now skipping naps and acting up, if I'm holding her she wants to be on the floor, if she is on the floor she is crawling around my feet like a little dog and begging me to hold her, if we are playing she starts acting like she is sleepy but when I put her down for a nap all she wants to do is play and then after a long day she finally goes to sleep around 7-8pm and she is now "sleeping" through the night but I have to make some things clear: she hates her crib and to be honest I always say I'm going to start sleep training her but then I'm so exhausted that I just let her sleep on our bed and remember I said she is a very active baby? Well even when she is sleeping she is still moving and squirming all night long, we have a queen size bed and i sleep between my husband and her because I know how hard he works and I don't want her to wake him up, he needs his good sleep in order to work hard and provide for us...so every single night I find myself stuck like a piece of turkey breast in a sandwich, she wiggles, she moves, she sits, she lays down, she speaks, she cries, she laughs, she kicks, she throws punches and all of this while sleeping so as you can tell it has been so long since the last time I had a real good sleep.
And here is when I want to be honest just so other moms out there that are going through the same thing don't feel guilty: IT IS OK TO FEEL LIKE YOU ARE LOSING YOUR MIND. Sometimes I feel like I can't do it anymore, I've cried a few times and asked her "what do you want Liana? Why are you doing this to me?" ...I lost count of how many texts my husband has received from me asking if he can come home a little earlier, there have been times when I exchange chores with him (he is the one who do the dishes and cleans the kitchen after dinner) just so I get a few minutes away from Liana, yeah that's right, sometimes I prefer to do the dishes than to deal with her crankiness, oh and let's not forget, I'm one of those moms who puts the baby in a safe place and runs to the bathroom for 3 minutes just so I can breathe and remind myself that I can do this even when it seems like I can't and the saddest fact is that I've asked myself what the fuck I was thinking when I said I wanted another kid maybe twice.
But the truth is that I love my kids no matter what, the love I have for Liana and Valentina is so incredibly big that I can't put it into words and just because I struggle with them doesn't mean I'm a bad mom, in fact I'm a great mom because even when I struggle and even when I feel like I'm losing mind I find the strength and I manage to keep every thing under control, maybe my house is not as clean as it should and maybe the clothes in the dryer are getting wrinkly because they've been in there for like 4 days and maybe I'm in a bad mood sometimes, maybe I keep wishing to be able to take a long shower instead of a 2 minute one and maybe I'm always trying to find the time to get out of my sweat pants and looks good for my husband ...but my kids are in perfect conditions, they are well fed and clean (or at least looking decent) and that's what matters.
So for the moms out there going through similar situations please don't beat yourself up, you are doing great and the struggle is a big part of this beautiful thing called motherhood ...and don't forget that there is no perfect way to be a good mother because each situation is unique, each mother has different challenges, different skills and abilities and certainly different children ...what really matters is that a mother loves her children deeply.
Until next time <3
No comments:
Post a Comment