I always find it so funny when we are at the grocery store or at the park and people mention how cute and quiet my almost 9 months old is ...I obviously agree on the cute part but about she being quiet? Lol if only they knew.
I remember all the times we got an ultrasound or that I had to get hooked to the monitors while pregnant, all the nurses and doctors always said the same thing: oh god what an active baby, you are going to have your hands full with this one. Little did I know how true that was going to be.
In fact Liana is a very, very, very active baby and the fact that she is doing things pretty fast doesn't help, at 4 months she was already sitting up without support and by 6 months she was crawling like a pro, since she became mobile I feel like I can't catch a break, she is always on the run, oh and let me tell you, she will be 9 months on June 28th and she is already trying to walk.
She is one of those babies that need her mom or dad to be around her all the time or she cries like somebody is killing her, the ergo (baby carrier) is one of my best friends, most of the time I have to put her on my back in order for me to get things done and to make things more "fun" she is now skipping naps and acting up, if I'm holding her she wants to be on the floor, if she is on the floor she is crawling around my feet like a little dog and begging me to hold her, if we are playing she starts acting like she is sleepy but when I put her down for a nap all she wants to do is play and then after a long day she finally goes to sleep around 7-8pm and she is now "sleeping" through the night but I have to make some things clear: she hates her crib and to be honest I always say I'm going to start sleep training her but then I'm so exhausted that I just let her sleep on our bed and remember I said she is a very active baby? Well even when she is sleeping she is still moving and squirming all night long, we have a queen size bed and i sleep between my husband and her because I know how hard he works and I don't want her to wake him up, he needs his good sleep in order to work hard and provide for us...so every single night I find myself stuck like a piece of turkey breast in a sandwich, she wiggles, she moves, she sits, she lays down, she speaks, she cries, she laughs, she kicks, she throws punches and all of this while sleeping so as you can tell it has been so long since the last time I had a real good sleep.
And here is when I want to be honest just so other moms out there that are going through the same thing don't feel guilty: IT IS OK TO FEEL LIKE YOU ARE LOSING YOUR MIND. Sometimes I feel like I can't do it anymore, I've cried a few times and asked her "what do you want Liana? Why are you doing this to me?" ...I lost count of how many texts my husband has received from me asking if he can come home a little earlier, there have been times when I exchange chores with him (he is the one who do the dishes and cleans the kitchen after dinner) just so I get a few minutes away from Liana, yeah that's right, sometimes I prefer to do the dishes than to deal with her crankiness, oh and let's not forget, I'm one of those moms who puts the baby in a safe place and runs to the bathroom for 3 minutes just so I can breathe and remind myself that I can do this even when it seems like I can't and the saddest fact is that I've asked myself what the fuck I was thinking when I said I wanted another kid maybe twice.
But the truth is that I love my kids no matter what, the love I have for Liana and Valentina is so incredibly big that I can't put it into words and just because I struggle with them doesn't mean I'm a bad mom, in fact I'm a great mom because even when I struggle and even when I feel like I'm losing mind I find the strength and I manage to keep every thing under control, maybe my house is not as clean as it should and maybe the clothes in the dryer are getting wrinkly because they've been in there for like 4 days and maybe I'm in a bad mood sometimes, maybe I keep wishing to be able to take a long shower instead of a 2 minute one and maybe I'm always trying to find the time to get out of my sweat pants and looks good for my husband ...but my kids are in perfect conditions, they are well fed and clean (or at least looking decent) and that's what matters.
So for the moms out there going through similar situations please don't beat yourself up, you are doing great and the struggle is a big part of this beautiful thing called motherhood ...and don't forget that there is no perfect way to be a good mother because each situation is unique, each mother has different challenges, different skills and abilities and certainly different children ...what really matters is that a mother loves her children deeply.
Until next time <3
Tuesday, June 24, 2014
Friday, June 20, 2014
I'm lucky to call him my husband
So here I am, smiling just because tomorrow is my first wedding anniversary and as I look back I can't help but feel thankful.
There was a time in my life when my road was shaky and I wasn't thinking much about my actions, it was a time when my life didn't have a purpose, a time when my priorities were all messed up.
One day I received a friend request from a guy who lived in a different state (PA) on FB and that was the beginning of something special, he said hi and that's when all started, we texted a lot, he made me laugh all the time but that was about it, my mind was still busy on the wrong things.
Unfortunately, because of my bad decisions I had to moved from NYC where I was currently living to CO and the weekend before of my departure he drove for 3 hours just so we could meet. The chemistry was there, the connection was instant and huge but unfortunately I had to leave and I was one of those who thought that a long distant relationship was the synonym of failure but life proved me wrong, instead of him disappearing like most of my "friends" did he made sure to always be in contact, he cheered me up when I was sad, he was always asking if I needed anything, he was always there for me, Skype became our best friend, we used to have video chats every single night before he went to bed, there were night when I cried after saying bye and wished I could hug him.
After the first 3 months of being in CO I went to NYC for the holidays and that's when our dating officially started, but I had to go back and saying good bye was so hard, but I made sure to travel once a month just to see him ...I have to honest, I was always afraid that he was going to get tired of the distance, there were bad days when he used to get frustrated because he missed me, because all the people he knew had a regular relationship, they had their significant others next to them while his girlfriend was in west bubble f**k but he then reminded me that he wanted to be with me and that he couldn't wait for the day to finally be together forever.
On May he asked me to moved in with him and I said yes, I didn't even think it twice, we just had to wait for my Valentina to finish school, on June 2nd I flew to Philadelphia with 5 huge bags and a 6 year old, I was scared but excited and that's when our life as a family began. Since day one he has treated my daughter like his own and their relationship is amazing, 6 months after being living together he got in one knee in front of huge audience and asked me to be his wife, a month after our engagement we found out we were expecting a baby and then got married. It was a courthouse wedding, very simple, only my daughter, our mothers and siblings were there but it was one of the most beautiful days of my life. The same day we moved to our own apartment (yeah that's my crazy but wonderful life) and life has been great.
He is a great husband and a great father to our 2 daughters, he makes me feel loved and special, he holds my hand in public, he helps a lot with the cleaning and the baby, he is a hard working man and has gifted me with the opportunity of being a stay at home mom ...he is an amazing man and I'm the luckiest woman for having him in my life, I always thank god for choosing him to be my husband and when I think about the girl I was before meeting him I feel like he saved me, he gave meaning to my days, he changed my life in the most amazing way, he treats me like a queen and because of him is that i now believe in true love, he showed me that not all men are the same, he gives me a life full of happiness and I fall deeper in love every day ...I know I'm not an easy person to deal with but he puts up with my craziness, he is my husband, my confidant, my best friend, my lover, the father of my daughters ...he is the love of my life
**Happy first anniversary babe, the first of many more to come because just so you know you are stuck with me for life and eternity**
Sunday, June 15, 2014
He was my father
Today is Father's Day so let me tell you about mine, a great man who made so many mistakes but still was an amazing person.
I was born in Colombia, the first child of a newlywed couple, he was the most hardworking person ever, he was a great husband and loved his wife very much and was the best father since day one, his two biggest flaws were ALCOHOL and the fact that he trusted people way too much.
His business started growing, he started selling books for a company and little by little he created a book distributing company of his own, my little brother was born and we were a happy family of 4 with a very stable present and a very good looking future.
But (yeah this great man had his buts) he had an alcohol problem, he used to drink since I can remember and that was the only thing that I'm sure brought problems between him and my mom but they as the great parent that they were never fought in front of us and if something needed to be discussed we were sent to grandma's house but children aren't stupid and even when they tried to act like nothing was happening I knew that in reality something was wrong and that it had to do with the fact that daddy got home at 5am very drunk.
But before I tell you more about him I have to make something clear ...he was an unusual drunk person, he wasn't violent like many alcoholics are, instead he was the most loving drunky of all, he used to tell my mom how much he loved her all the time but when he was intoxicated his love for her used to get a million times bigger and in the middle of the intoxication he used to worry about my mom being mad, many times I heard him saying "my love please don't be mad, I know I'm stupid but I love you, I love you very much". In my house all the bill were always paid, the fridge was always full and there was money for everything that needed to be taken care of so at least he was a responsible drunk.
It doesn't sound so bad right? Trust me, it doesn't matter how lovely or violet an alcoholic is, the problem is there and you as a member of the family always know it no matter how young you are, he tried AA many many times and it used to work for a few month but then he started drinking again, I remember one day he went out to celebrate that he had been clean of alcohol for a whole year and guess what? He drank for like 2 days straight -_- ...but we were a happy family anyway and my mom used to be a happy person, or at least that's what she made us believe, when he wasn't drinking they were a beautiful couple and we had so much fun as a family, I still remember all the trips, the vacations, the birthday parties, the family reunions ...we were happy.
But remember I said he had a second flaw? Yeah he trusted people way too and 2 of his best friend did something wrong that involved my father's business and we lost almost everything, that's when he decided to come to the USA, he was looking for more opportunities, he needed a new job and things were bad in Colombia when it came to the economy, he moved here first just to get going and see how things were and some day in the neat future we were supposed to come to live as a family again.
We were apart but he used to call every single day, 2-3 times a day, he used to say how much he missed us and always ended the call with an I love you for my mom.
One day after his first year in this country we woke up but he never called, we were worried but my mom kept saying that he must be busy or that maybe he went out and was still sleeping, at around 1pm the phone rang and as soon as my mom answered I knew something was wrong, she immediately started crying, her husband, the father of her 2 children had an accident and was in a comma, she made all the arrangements, me and my brother stayed with my grandmother and my mom flew the next day, saying bye was one of the most horrible experience of my life, I remember I told her to please bring my dad back to us and she with eyes full tears said "yes my dear".
When she got here she discovered that he actually fell down the stairs of his apartment at 3am and hit his head, he was just getting home after being at a party, his neighbor from downstairs heard the loud noise that he made when he fell and went to see what happened, he was the one who called the ambulance, when my dad got to the hospital he had so so much alcohol in his system that the doctors couldn't do anything right away besides helping the alcohol levels to go down and while they were doing that the internal bleeding caused brain damage.
my mom staying at a friend house, she went to the hospital every single day (except for Xmas because the flew back to spend the holidays with us), she called us every night and when we asked how my dad was doing the answer was always the same: no progress at all, he is still sleeping. I don't know many details about all the surgeries or treatments because to be honest I just don't want to know but I know he had about 12-15 brain surgeries in total. The day that marked his 18th month in the stupid comma my mom called to say what we didn't want to believe, my father had died.
His body was repatriated to Colombia and I don't even want to talk about his funeral, it was the saddest moment of my entire life, I had to say good bye to my father's body at 15 years old... after that my mom decided that we were going to move to this country, she believed that here there were better opportunities for the 3 of us and we are all still here but that's another story.
So that's the story of that great man, the man who's only mistake was that horrible monster called alcohol, that explains my way of feeling about it, I sure can have some drinks and so but never to the point of losing my mind, but when I see somebody that I love getting drunk I get mad, for example I don't like when my husband says he is going to get some beers and when my brother says he was at a party and got wasted I get sad and frustrated, I don't want him to end in the same way as our dad.
I don't even know what's the point of this long story, I just want to remind my few readers that when you make bad decisions it affect more people that you can imagine, so please always think about what you do, always have in mind that your children, mom, spouse and family needs you, they are happy if you are happy but they suffer if you do.
**In loving memory of my wonderful father ...wherever you are dad just remember that we still love you and that we already forgave you, everybody make mistakes and you were the best dad no matter what**
I was born in Colombia, the first child of a newlywed couple, he was the most hardworking person ever, he was a great husband and loved his wife very much and was the best father since day one, his two biggest flaws were ALCOHOL and the fact that he trusted people way too much.
His business started growing, he started selling books for a company and little by little he created a book distributing company of his own, my little brother was born and we were a happy family of 4 with a very stable present and a very good looking future.
But (yeah this great man had his buts) he had an alcohol problem, he used to drink since I can remember and that was the only thing that I'm sure brought problems between him and my mom but they as the great parent that they were never fought in front of us and if something needed to be discussed we were sent to grandma's house but children aren't stupid and even when they tried to act like nothing was happening I knew that in reality something was wrong and that it had to do with the fact that daddy got home at 5am very drunk.
But before I tell you more about him I have to make something clear ...he was an unusual drunk person, he wasn't violent like many alcoholics are, instead he was the most loving drunky of all, he used to tell my mom how much he loved her all the time but when he was intoxicated his love for her used to get a million times bigger and in the middle of the intoxication he used to worry about my mom being mad, many times I heard him saying "my love please don't be mad, I know I'm stupid but I love you, I love you very much". In my house all the bill were always paid, the fridge was always full and there was money for everything that needed to be taken care of so at least he was a responsible drunk.
It doesn't sound so bad right? Trust me, it doesn't matter how lovely or violet an alcoholic is, the problem is there and you as a member of the family always know it no matter how young you are, he tried AA many many times and it used to work for a few month but then he started drinking again, I remember one day he went out to celebrate that he had been clean of alcohol for a whole year and guess what? He drank for like 2 days straight -_- ...but we were a happy family anyway and my mom used to be a happy person, or at least that's what she made us believe, when he wasn't drinking they were a beautiful couple and we had so much fun as a family, I still remember all the trips, the vacations, the birthday parties, the family reunions ...we were happy.
But remember I said he had a second flaw? Yeah he trusted people way too and 2 of his best friend did something wrong that involved my father's business and we lost almost everything, that's when he decided to come to the USA, he was looking for more opportunities, he needed a new job and things were bad in Colombia when it came to the economy, he moved here first just to get going and see how things were and some day in the neat future we were supposed to come to live as a family again.
We were apart but he used to call every single day, 2-3 times a day, he used to say how much he missed us and always ended the call with an I love you for my mom.
One day after his first year in this country we woke up but he never called, we were worried but my mom kept saying that he must be busy or that maybe he went out and was still sleeping, at around 1pm the phone rang and as soon as my mom answered I knew something was wrong, she immediately started crying, her husband, the father of her 2 children had an accident and was in a comma, she made all the arrangements, me and my brother stayed with my grandmother and my mom flew the next day, saying bye was one of the most horrible experience of my life, I remember I told her to please bring my dad back to us and she with eyes full tears said "yes my dear".
When she got here she discovered that he actually fell down the stairs of his apartment at 3am and hit his head, he was just getting home after being at a party, his neighbor from downstairs heard the loud noise that he made when he fell and went to see what happened, he was the one who called the ambulance, when my dad got to the hospital he had so so much alcohol in his system that the doctors couldn't do anything right away besides helping the alcohol levels to go down and while they were doing that the internal bleeding caused brain damage.
my mom staying at a friend house, she went to the hospital every single day (except for Xmas because the flew back to spend the holidays with us), she called us every night and when we asked how my dad was doing the answer was always the same: no progress at all, he is still sleeping. I don't know many details about all the surgeries or treatments because to be honest I just don't want to know but I know he had about 12-15 brain surgeries in total. The day that marked his 18th month in the stupid comma my mom called to say what we didn't want to believe, my father had died.
His body was repatriated to Colombia and I don't even want to talk about his funeral, it was the saddest moment of my entire life, I had to say good bye to my father's body at 15 years old... after that my mom decided that we were going to move to this country, she believed that here there were better opportunities for the 3 of us and we are all still here but that's another story.
So that's the story of that great man, the man who's only mistake was that horrible monster called alcohol, that explains my way of feeling about it, I sure can have some drinks and so but never to the point of losing my mind, but when I see somebody that I love getting drunk I get mad, for example I don't like when my husband says he is going to get some beers and when my brother says he was at a party and got wasted I get sad and frustrated, I don't want him to end in the same way as our dad.
I don't even know what's the point of this long story, I just want to remind my few readers that when you make bad decisions it affect more people that you can imagine, so please always think about what you do, always have in mind that your children, mom, spouse and family needs you, they are happy if you are happy but they suffer if you do.
**In loving memory of my wonderful father ...wherever you are dad just remember that we still love you and that we already forgave you, everybody make mistakes and you were the best dad no matter what**
Friday, June 6, 2014
weight loss update
so here i am, craving some taco bell breakfast and maybe 1or 2 chocolate chip cookies from wawa but at the same time reminding myself that i need to lose those extra 20 pounds ...this is hard, very hard at least for me.
This is my second week of healthy eating or i should say better eating because here and there I find myself eating a piece of pop-tart or a few spoons of ice cream but I'm still counting calories and eating lots of veggies, my water intake is getting better as well, I went from hating water to at least 4-6 big glasses a day, not the recommended amount yet I know but hey!! That's better than nothing :)..
A few minutes ago I finished my first week of T25 and I'm walking more , I'm sore, my body aches and I can barely lift my 8 months old, i do my workout while she takes her morning nap and every single day I think about skipping it and just sleeping next to her but then I look at the lady in the mirror and that keeps me motivated .
Today I weighted myself and to my surprise the scale went down 4 pounds, it's not much but I'm proud of myself, I decided that from today on Fridays will be weight in and progress picture day so next week I'll be back with another update.
Sunday, June 1, 2014
Who doesn't love free goodies?
I few months ago I came across a very interesting site thanks to one of my Instagram friends, she was talking about getting free samples of things in the mail and i was like free stuff? Yeah I need to try that.
The process is very simple, you go to www.influenster.com and register yourself and then start taking surveys about a bunch of things (you choose which one you want to take), the more you take the better the chances of getting selected then you just wait and they will send you an email telling you what to do next in order to qualify for one of their boxes.
After you get your box in the mail you just have to go to their website and check in you box and complete the tasks, some of the tasks are about posting true reviews (they can be good or bad, that won't affect you) and picture on you social networks and taking more surveys, like I said it's pretty easy.
A few days ago I got my second box and here is a picture of it
It is the TLC VoxBox and the products that came in were:
-Neosporin Neo to go
-Ivory bar soap
-Avon Anew Reversalist Express Wrinkle Smother
-Puffs to go (tissues)
-Shell fuel rewards network card
-Coupon for a FREE Breyers Gelato
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